I don’t do resolutions. Typically because I don’t believe that the bright and shiny start of a new year is ever enough motivation to commit to anything. Change comes whenever a person is ready, not because the ball dropped at midnight in Time Square. Maybe that’s a cynical view of change, but let’s face it... Rome wasn’t built in a day, and breaking a bad habit sure as hell isnt going to happen over night. No, I prefer the rational, maybe slightly cynical and pessimistic idea of change. It happens when a person is ready and not a second before.
Neither here nor there, I spent the better part of last year reflecting on myself and choices I had made. A lot of which, frankly, sucked.... but the worst choices, the ones I looked at deeply... were mostly related to people. I believe in the human element, and I believe that you should always be open to be the human element to anyone in need. Because you just never know, you never know when your words or actions could be enough to change someone forever. However, my light, energy, and heart are things that I don’t have to share all the time.
I’ve said it once or twice, that I tend to keep people. But I learned that I keep people closer to my light than they deserve to be. I have held so tightly to a few people, that I didn’t realize that I was slowly burning myself. And what for? These people only come to me when they need something, and I am usually there to help in whatever way I can. There are people in your heart that use you as a consolation prize. They come to you when they’ve come up short. People I’ve been friends with for years.... and I realize, that they only call or text when they’ve come up short somewhere. I realized this, then I got pissed. Pissed because these were people that swore they’d always be there for me... and weren’t... and pissed because I let it happen. I’d let my heart get broken more times than I could count, and the worst part.... there’s no one else to blame.
Clarity is a bitch sometimes. I could sit here and wallow.... and cry... but that’s never been me. I have chosen, however, to take the next 332 days to stand back... heal myself... and try to change the way I think. I will always be the human element, and I will still keep people, just in case... but I can distance myself. I can grow myself and my light. It is ok not to be someone’s consolation prize. It is ok to help them up if they need it, and it’s ok to walk away once they’re up. You don’t have to be everything to everyone.
I have big plans for myself this year. I have 332 days to try and get them right. I will spend more of my light and energy on myself this year, and I will not feel bad for doing so. One day these people will wake up, and see that they’re so far away... or they won’t. They’ll either realize that they’ve actually messed up, or they will blame you for not being there. If they’re meant to stay, they’ll find a way to be there. They’ll make your friendship, love, and light a priority.... not a last resort. And if they don’t, well... then they’ve cleared room for someone else who will deserve to be.
I may only have this one, small flame... but I know how to build a fire. This year, I will not be your consolation prize. I will no longer make absent people priority. My life, my family, my friends, my work.... that’s what I will be focused on. I deserve more. I deserve peace, and growth. I deserve more than what those people were ever willing to give. I deserve the human element, not just to be it... but to receive it.
You do not have to be anyone’s consolation prize. Spend the next 332 days building your own fire. Do whatever you need to do, and say whatever you need to say. Make the damn mistakes until you get it right, there are plenty of do overs. Whatever it is you need to do, do it. But remember that your light and heart deserve some rest. You deserve the human element. Step out of your comfort zone and let someone be the human element. Receive it, grow it, share it... do whatever sets your soul on fire. It’s easy to be the human element, but receiving it.. that’s a whole new game. Stepping out of bounds, getting uncomfortable... personal... even.
359 days left... the only thing left to ask is... what are you going to do with them? I hope you grow your fires. I hope you find this year makes you stronger, and brighter with each chance you make. Make a mistake, crash and burn... then heal. Whatever you do, make sure you mean it.
❤️-
-A
Neither here nor there, I spent the better part of last year reflecting on myself and choices I had made. A lot of which, frankly, sucked.... but the worst choices, the ones I looked at deeply... were mostly related to people. I believe in the human element, and I believe that you should always be open to be the human element to anyone in need. Because you just never know, you never know when your words or actions could be enough to change someone forever. However, my light, energy, and heart are things that I don’t have to share all the time.
I’ve said it once or twice, that I tend to keep people. But I learned that I keep people closer to my light than they deserve to be. I have held so tightly to a few people, that I didn’t realize that I was slowly burning myself. And what for? These people only come to me when they need something, and I am usually there to help in whatever way I can. There are people in your heart that use you as a consolation prize. They come to you when they’ve come up short. People I’ve been friends with for years.... and I realize, that they only call or text when they’ve come up short somewhere. I realized this, then I got pissed. Pissed because these were people that swore they’d always be there for me... and weren’t... and pissed because I let it happen. I’d let my heart get broken more times than I could count, and the worst part.... there’s no one else to blame.
Clarity is a bitch sometimes. I could sit here and wallow.... and cry... but that’s never been me. I have chosen, however, to take the next 332 days to stand back... heal myself... and try to change the way I think. I will always be the human element, and I will still keep people, just in case... but I can distance myself. I can grow myself and my light. It is ok not to be someone’s consolation prize. It is ok to help them up if they need it, and it’s ok to walk away once they’re up. You don’t have to be everything to everyone.
I have big plans for myself this year. I have 332 days to try and get them right. I will spend more of my light and energy on myself this year, and I will not feel bad for doing so. One day these people will wake up, and see that they’re so far away... or they won’t. They’ll either realize that they’ve actually messed up, or they will blame you for not being there. If they’re meant to stay, they’ll find a way to be there. They’ll make your friendship, love, and light a priority.... not a last resort. And if they don’t, well... then they’ve cleared room for someone else who will deserve to be.
I may only have this one, small flame... but I know how to build a fire. This year, I will not be your consolation prize. I will no longer make absent people priority. My life, my family, my friends, my work.... that’s what I will be focused on. I deserve more. I deserve peace, and growth. I deserve more than what those people were ever willing to give. I deserve the human element, not just to be it... but to receive it.
You do not have to be anyone’s consolation prize. Spend the next 332 days building your own fire. Do whatever you need to do, and say whatever you need to say. Make the damn mistakes until you get it right, there are plenty of do overs. Whatever it is you need to do, do it. But remember that your light and heart deserve some rest. You deserve the human element. Step out of your comfort zone and let someone be the human element. Receive it, grow it, share it... do whatever sets your soul on fire. It’s easy to be the human element, but receiving it.. that’s a whole new game. Stepping out of bounds, getting uncomfortable... personal... even.
359 days left... the only thing left to ask is... what are you going to do with them? I hope you grow your fires. I hope you find this year makes you stronger, and brighter with each chance you make. Make a mistake, crash and burn... then heal. Whatever you do, make sure you mean it.
❤️-
-A
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