Suga, how you get so fly.

Tomorrow is my daughter’s 12th birthday. I almost have a teenager living in my house, which makes me feel both sad and old. Kyrie was born two months after my 20th birthday. I was trying to figure out life, how to be a wife, and how to be this tiny human’s parent. By the grace of God, I managed to figure some of it out and raise a handful of beautiful children. The last 12 years all Ive wanted to do was be the best parent I could. I’ve held them, picked them up when they fell, fought for them... fought with them. I wanted to set an example, for them.

Yesterday while having a conversation with Kyrie, she said something that shook up my whole life. She said, “I learn best by watching you be real. I’ve learned the most from you when you’re not trying to be a “good” example. I think the most perfect thing you’ve taught me is that the flawed you, the person you are when you think no one is watching... is the bravest and most beautiful woman Ive ever met. You’re the strongest person I know. The entire word could be on fire and you’re going. To find a way to make it through that, mom. You taught me to treasure who I am, and no hide away from the world. You’ve taught me to be real. That’s the most important thing.”

And as you can imagine, I was in tears. Because, the I am a fricking mess. I’m usually running 10 minutes late for everything, with my make up in my bag and mismatched socks... and anymore, I 100% do not care what anyone thinks. If you walk into my house and there’s loud music coming from the kitchen, it’s because I’ve had a bad day... and dancing is mandatory. And I maintain that just being a decent person is better than having to explain yourself later when you’re not. There are a million things that I do, that I never think twice about. I just try to get through life with some sanity intact, and THIS is the shit my kid learns from. 

My kid doesn’t watch me try to put on my cape and save the day. She watches me dance in the kitchen while I’m making dinner. She watches me get out of bed, get ready for work, pack lunches, and fold a load of laundry. She watches me help the boys with their homework while helping her sister bake cookies. She watches me balance life. It’s never, ever going to be perfect... but she sees that she can be a good person, and a good parent, and be a boss. Everything that I do... every hurdle I jump over, ever obstacle I make it through.... she sees. She learns that she can do it, she can handle whatever life throws at you. She learns how to flex and adapt. 

This made me wonder... am I reaching far enough? Do I expect enough out of myself or can I reach further and accomplish more. And, truthfully... the answer, is no. I’m not reaching enough. I very rarely take care of myself. Im out of shape, I’m usually 10 minutes behind for everything, and as much as I love what I do... I do not love where I work. I need to dream bigger dreams, make bigger goals... and work for them. I am a badass woman. I deserve to have badass stuff happen to me. And she deserves to see me do it, so that she knows it’s always within her reach. No matter what it is.

Empowerment ladies, is never defined the same way for the same woman twice. Empowerment is whatever sets your soul on fire. It’s the stuff that reminds you that you are a beautiful, badass woman.. capable of hard things, and deserving of good things. Empowerment is simply the shit that makes it possible for you to set yourself apart from every other woman. It’s the stuff your daughters admire and learn from. It’s the shit that makes you fly as hell. 

So, I’ve let my hair down.... set my alarm an hour earlier, and laid out my running shoes. Because, I am a beautiful, badass, determined woman. I can’t  quit now, because I deserve everything. And the little eyes that watch me, she deserve to know that she is badass in training... learning from a pro. 

“Suga, suga, how you get so fly?”  I hope her response is, “I learned it from my mama.”  

Your princes and princesses are watching how you rule, be the best damn Queen in the land. 

❤️-

A

Soul Resolution

Welcome to the New Year. As of today there are 332 days left in this year, which means there are 332 opportunities to either completely wreck yourself, or to completely change yourself. Everyone is making resolutions to be drastically different from the previous year. They’re going to loose 70 pounds, and quit smoking, and get out of debt... whatever it is, the new year brings change for many. The questions is.. how much change can one person actually take before reverting back to old habits? And was it really worth it in the end?

I don’t do resolutions. Typically because I don’t believe that the bright and shiny start of a new year is ever enough motivation to commit to anything. Change comes whenever a person is ready, not because the ball dropped at midnight in Time Square. Maybe that’s a cynical view of change, but let’s face it... Rome wasn’t built in a day, and breaking a bad habit sure as hell isnt going to happen over night. No, I prefer the rational, maybe slightly cynical and pessimistic idea of change. It happens when a person is ready and not a second before.

Neither here nor there, I spent the better part of last year reflecting on myself and choices I had made. A lot of which, frankly, sucked.... but the worst choices, the ones I looked at deeply... were mostly related to people. I believe in the human element, and I believe that you should always be open to be the human element to anyone in need. Because you just never know, you never know when your words or actions could be enough to change someone forever. However, my light, energy, and heart are things that I don’t have to share all the time.

I’ve said it once or twice, that I tend to keep people. But I learned that I keep people closer to my light than they deserve to be. I have held so tightly to a few people, that I didn’t realize that I was slowly burning myself. And what for? These people only come to me when they need something, and I am usually there to help in whatever way I can. There are people in your heart that use you as a consolation prize. They come to you when they’ve come up short. People I’ve been friends with for years.... and I realize, that they only call or text when they’ve come up short somewhere. I realized this, then I got pissed. Pissed because these were people that swore they’d always be there for me... and weren’t... and pissed because I let it happen. I’d let my heart get broken more times than I could count, and the worst part.... there’s no one else to blame.

Clarity is a bitch sometimes. I could sit here and wallow.... and cry... but that’s never been me. I have chosen, however, to take the next 332 days to stand back... heal myself... and try to change the way I think. I will always be the human element, and I will still keep people, just in case... but I can distance myself. I can grow myself and my light. It is ok not to be someone’s consolation prize. It is ok to help them up if they need it, and it’s ok to walk away once they’re up. You don’t have to be everything to everyone.

I have big plans for myself this year. I have 332 days to try and get them right. I will spend more of my light and energy on myself this year, and I will not feel bad for doing so. One day these people will wake up, and see that they’re so far away... or they won’t. They’ll either realize that they’ve actually messed up, or they will blame you for not being there. If they’re meant to stay, they’ll find a way to be there. They’ll make your friendship, love, and light a priority.... not a last resort. And if they don’t, well... then they’ve cleared room for someone else who will deserve to be.

I may only have this one, small flame... but I know how to build a fire. This year, I will not be your consolation prize. I will no longer make absent people priority. My life, my family, my friends, my work.... that’s what I will be focused on. I deserve more. I deserve peace, and growth. I deserve more than what those people were ever willing to give. I deserve the human element, not just to be it... but to receive it.


You do not have to be anyone’s consolation prize. Spend the next 332 days building your own fire. Do whatever you need to do, and say whatever you need to say. Make the damn mistakes until you get it right, there are plenty of do overs. Whatever it is you need to do, do it. But remember that your light and heart deserve some rest. You deserve the human element. Step out of your comfort zone and let someone be the human element. Receive it, grow it, share it... do whatever sets your soul on fire. It’s easy to be the human element, but receiving it.. that’s a whole new game. Stepping out of bounds, getting uncomfortable... personal... even.

359 days left... the only thing left to ask is... what are you going to do with them? I hope you grow your fires. I hope you find this year makes you stronger, and brighter with each chance you make. Make a mistake, crash and burn... then heal. Whatever you do, make sure you mean it.

❤️-
-A